Have You Ever Taken an Instant Dislike to Someone?
Have you ever taken an instant dislike to someone? They haven’t done anything to you … you may have only just met them … but for some reason you just can’t stand them?
If you have ever experienced this unpleasant reaction to someone, then you know it’s rarely a slow burn … the “dislike” appears almost immediately. You may try to take a logical approach and tell yourself to give it time, but rather than fading over time as you get to know the person, the aversion grows in strength.
Take heart, this doesn’t mean you are a bad person, and more importantly, it’s not just you. According to psychologists there really is such a thing as an instant and unexplainable dislike of another person. In most cases there is no apparent reason for the feeling. Perhaps it’s a resemblance to someone in our past that we can’t even consciously recall, maybe it’s a tone of voice that reminds us of something unpleasant, or maybe you knew them in a previous life … OK, maybe that’s a stretch, but you get the idea. It could even be a feature of someones character that we can’t detect at all on the surface. It is unnerving and unusual to have an instant dislike for a person, but it does happen.
And when it happens, the feelings are usually pretty intense. In fact, it can seem quite unbelievable that any normal person could possibly get along with such a creature even though on some deep grudging level you know you should really try. But take heart, getting along and liking do not have to go hand-in-hand. The key to getting along with people you don’t like is not to put more pressure on yourself; it’s to put less.
Your first thought may be to simply avoid this person, and you probably could pull that off as long as you don’t work with them, or they aren’t a good friend of a friend or worse yet – a relative.
Here’s my take on the whole “avoidance” issue … I’ve found the more I attempt to avoid someone, the more likely they are to pop up in the most unexpected ways, and when that happens it throws me off far more than had I simply sucked it up and avoided playing hide and seek. The truth is negative attitudes will only give you negative results so it’s better to as early as possible learn to adapt to situations that you cannot avoid.
It also helps to bear in mind that during your lifetime you will meet far too many people to like (or be liked!) by everyone. It’s just as important to give yourself permission to slot this individual into the “don’t like” category without feeling obliged to make a case for it, as it is to understand and accept there will be some people that, no matter what you do or don’t do, will never like you.
It may seem odd to think that accepting your right to dislike someone could help you get along better, but it can. This is because it frees you from the stress of having to gather evidence to justify your feelings of dislike, which only winds you up further when you find it and leaves you unsettled when you don’t.
Can “breakthroughs” happen between you and this person, transforming animosity into friendship? It can happen and it’s a nice idea, but it’s a leap, which means if you focus all your energy on that outcome and it fails you fall with a thud. Better to go gradually, honestly try to find something good about this person to focus on, and otherwise concentrate on your own reactions rather than theirs.
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Refreshing. That’s what kept going through my mind as I got into the gist of your message here. So much easier (and productive) than trying to get all spun out of shape with some BS mental gymnastics, mind-bending neuro-something-or-other philosophies. Not everyone likes me. I won’t like everyone. Move on. I have plenty of friends so all is well. Thanks.
Richard Goutal recently posted..Interesting Conversation Starters While Networking
Hello Marquita, the whole time I was reading your post, I was thinking about someone I had met like that. Actually, I just thought of someone from years ago, where I worked. We seemed to take an instant dislike to each other, and we worked together in the same team for months!
We used to “bitch” at each other all the time, then one day someone else in the team said something like “what’s with you two having a go at each other all the time, you sound like a married couple”? That made us both think about what we were doing, and for some reason, from that day on, we became pretty good friends and got along much better!
Funny how it works isn’t it? Regards from Julieanne
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Thought provoking post, Marquita! I’ve always thought it was more connected to memories buried deep within the subconscious. But I bet intuition, or our sixth sense, plays a role too, in erecting a barrier against that person.
My daughter had an unexplained aversion for a girl we knew years ago. They were only 8 years old when they met. Years later it was plain that the other girl was heading fast down a path my daughter did not want to go… much to the other girl’s detriment. I didn’t see any sign of it when the girl was 8 years old… and my daughter didn’t either. But there was something there that just did not click.
Willena Flewelling
It is interesting how some people we click with and some we don’t. There have been a few times I felt a dislike for someone but had no idea why. I just figured it was something about our energies not matching.
Melodie Kantner recently posted..Do Realize The Power In The Social Media Revolution
Marquita, this was very fascinating and so detailed. The presentation shows your determination, to get all the facts and research together before you write an article. Well Done!
I agree, with meeting someone and feeling uncomfortable being around them. Yet, I have an empowerment within that I am only focused on good thoughts. Goodness can be found in all. Let it be, family and new connections who become lifetime friends.
I would say all this depends on who researched what and your inner beliefs. Negativity is an emotion which will bring those other bad feeling to manifest in being. When live your life expecting anything, and feel that everyone must not be to different from the norm. We will find faults in others we met. We may feel so uncomfortable that we can not stand to be around them at times. Still we except support and sharing empowering activity with them.
You must come from a place with a peaceful environment, to see good within all. No matter their personal beliefs, and unethical activities. You can find goodness within everyone. Not judging, but developing a real relationship. Nothing but a growing understanding of each other can resonate.
My burning desire is overwhelming, and directs me to help all daily. Weather others believe some are undeserving of support and love. That has nothing to do with me serving in some way, and locating the good in them.
This was a hard subject, Marquita. I can feel your a great visionary, with a passion on supplying quality presentations. This was an awesome subject, which shows you as a unique person with character.
Thank you for sharing with such detail this article. I look forward to the next remarkable post. Your readers and I appreciate the wonderful information given today!
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Hey Marquita,
I like what you said about giving yourself permission to file them under “not like.” I have always tried to focus on the positive aspects of others, but in doing so have spend a good amount of time listening to negative people rant. It’s important to allow yourself to not have to like everone.
Doreen Virtue said that while it is important to acknowledge the good in everyone and the connection that we share that “you don’t have to have dinner with everyone.”
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Hi Marty. I used to know a woman who said, “The person that you don’t like is just someone you don’t know.” Although I can’t say this is the absolute truth, I have found that it is frequently true. Funny story. Many years ago, my husband and I belonged to a health club. There was a young woman who also belonged who had the most gorgeous body and a face to match. She would sunbathe in a bikini in the courtyard, and all the men would stand at the window drooling. I (and every other woman in the club) took an instant dislike to her – she thinks she’s so hot, and all the other things we thought we knew about her. One day, she and I were the only women in the dressing room, and I started talking to her. She was a lovely person who was training as a power lifter. We actually became great friends before my husband and I moved away, and I’m sure she had trouble making friends with women because she was so beautiful. You just never know.
Wishing you a song in your heart,
Miss Leslie @ Music with Miss Leslie.com
Marty,
Can you imagine what life would be if we liked everyone? Yuk! Regardless of the reason you dislike someone your points are well made and in need of implementation. Giving ourselves permission to be human is the first step in stress reduction and even in possibly loving ourselves. We are way too hard on ourselves these days because media has it we must be and behave in certain ways. Bull! It’s tough being human, but it’s all we’ve got!
Thanks for the fun!
RICK
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Hi Marty,
Amazing how our brain can determine that on just the first instance right? I think it’s more of what that person is expressing in terms of energy (not sure if you believe this). I know that each person has a level of energy and for some reason if its way off yours, you just won’t connect
no matter how hard one tries. In my personal experience, what I do is try to change my energy or activities or values so that I will attract the right kind of people.
Jans
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Hi Marquita-
Thanks for the post. There are definitely those people you just don’t vibe or click with and you are right it is not your fault. I am one of those people that reads too much into it and I need to learn to let it go. Failed relationships have a tendency to wear on my mind and I guarantee the other person is not dwelling on it as much as I am! Thanks for the inspiring post, I am definitely going to take your words of wisdom with me!
Cori
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I wonder what it is that makes our brain to make such immediate decisions There must be something in the chemistry between people that science has not discovered yet.
Of course it can work both ways as in love at first sight.
I do find though that, sometimes, once I get to know that person better, they are not nearly as bad as they seemed at first.
Trevor Barrett recently posted..5 Part Time Jobs For Income
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Hi Marquita:
Interesting thoughts. I had never thought about this in this way before.
Thanks for sharing!
Kevin
Kevin Martineau recently posted..Our self-worth is not based on our performance
Hey Marquita, I like the post!
My take on the instant dislike of someone, a strong FEELING of dislike…. is caused by your intuition. It is your body’s way of telling you whether having this person in your life will either be good or bad, and generally it is correct. It can be very hard to change an instant dislike from someone, or to someone… but it is possible, in situations where they are your co-workers, it is usually worth a shot.
BW
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