How to Achieve Success on Your Own Terms
Send to KindleIf your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, then it is not success at all. ~Anna Quindlen
Tick tock … the year is racing to a close and at some point – maybe once the dust has settled on holiday shopping – our thoughts will naturally turn to goals for the New Year.
While it’s true that there’s something encouraging and hopeful about starting a fresh calendar for a New Year, I have to admit, I’ve never been a fan of New Year’s Resolutions.
For one thing, way too many resolutions end up looking a lot more like “shoulds” than any meaningful life goals. For example, you resolve to lose weight, start exercising (again), quit smoking, go back to school, start your own business … because you really should, which means your heart may or may not really be into making the all-out effort required to achieve your goal.
But another significant reason we falter on achieving resolutions may surprise you. Many people never take the time to clearly define what successful achievement of their goals will look like.
If you think about it, that’s like trying to hit a moving target!
Challenge yourself this year to take the time to define your success …
Without taking the time to clearly define what your success will look like as you strive to achieve your various goals, it is all too easy to end up wasting a big chunk of your precious life striving to accomplish things that, in the end, don’t matter that much to you; may be completely out of alignment with your values, and ultimately leave you feeling unhappy and singing that sad tune “is this all there is?”
Success is a highly subjective term.
Whether formally defined or not, we each have our own version of what success will look and feel like for the various of the areas of our life – marriage, health, career, family life, and even individual goals. For example, for one person a successful career equals good pay, benefits and a pension plan. To another, it’s recognition, incentives and frequent praise, or attaining some sort of distinction in their chosen career path.
And yes, for some, the definition of success is having a LOT of money and the freedom they imagine it will buy to do whatever they want. For most people this qualifies more as a wishful fantasy than any meaningful purpose in life, but let’s run with this story a moment just to illustrate the types of questions that need to be asked in order to begin defining what success for this goal might look like.
What will you do to earn all this money? What skills and resources will you need to acquire in order to make this happen? How long will it take to acquire the money and exactly how much money must you have in order for you to feel you’ve achieved your success? What will you do to maintain quality interpersonal relationships with family and friends as you strive to achieve this great wealth? What are the kinds of things you want to do with your life once you have the freedom to do them? And maybe the most important question, once you’ve got all this money, how do you plan to remove yourself from money making activities in order to achieve the freedom to do whatever you want?
An example that might be more familiar.
Let’s say you have been busy growing your career, working long hours and most weekends. You’ve recently become aware of just how unattached you have grown from the lives of your family, especially your children, and you’ve decided your goal for the New Year will be to reverse that disturbing trend while your children are still young enough to care. The first step in that direction might be to dedicate weekends to quality family time.
To clearly define what success will look like for this goal, you’ll need to answer questions such as the following:
What tasks or commitments will you have to eliminate, rearrange or delegate in order to make your time available? Some or all of your family members will have their own interests and activities, so how will you work with them to gain their support to clear their schedules in order to fit in with your plans to spend time together? What kinds of activities and outings will qualify as “quality?” Can you clearly describe what quality time with your family will look like, and what will need to happen in order for you to consider this intention a success?
You get the idea.
Let’s take a look at a few challenges you might expect to encounter achieving success with this initiative.
- Others in the family may not be willing to give up their activities or commitments.
- There could be times when you are required to work on the weekend.
- After a few weeks of “togetherness” family members may lose interest, or begin to get on each other’s nerves.
- The effort required to manage family weekends could begin to wear on you over time, leaving you wondering why you ever thought this was a good idea.
There are valuable lessons to be learned from each of these potential stumbling blocks, but possibly the most important is this – if you discover your initiative needs a re-write along the way, that does not mean the goal is a failure, it simply means some adjustments need to be made to your definition of success, and how you will achieve it.
There’s no doubt about it, choosing to live your life by design takes more work than simply going with the flow of whatever life happens to throw your way; and it all begins with you … taking the time to be become clear about what you really want, and accepting the power you have to achieve that outcome.
The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination. ~Don Williams Jr.
Your Turn
To get a feel for the process, why not take a little time to pick out a goal you’re working on now and clearly define what successful completion of that goal will look like?
As you go through this process, remember to identify areas where support or participation from others will be required in order to achieve your success. How will you go about accomplishing securing their participation? If you are unable to gain their support, how can you re-write your story in a way that will enable you to remain rooted in your purpose and objectives?
If you enjoyed this article, you may be interested to know it’s an excerpt from my book – It’s Your Time Now – A Guide to Living Your Life by Design. Like most things I write, this is not about quick fixes … it’s about becoming proactive to create the life you really want for yourself, and each chapter ends with an action step outlined to help you on the way.
Your Time Now has been consistently rated 5* by readers and will be available for Free download on Kindle from 12/13 – 12/16.
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Mahalo!
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Success is what you feel good about and not how the world sees it. I believe in setting my own benchmarks and achieving them in order to call it a success or a failure. Thanks for the post.
Marty,
That opening quote was so deep and profound. Wow….
I couldn’t agree more. Success is going to look different for everyone because everyone has different values, dreams, and aspirations.
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Dewane Mutunga recently posted..How To Tag And Track Links From Email Marketing Campaigns
Wonderful post and how refreshing to read it today!
Like you, I’ve never been one for New Years resolutions. I agree too often those resolutions are things we think we should do rather than the result of living an intentional life.
When I think of living an intentional life I know I must identify my goals and the steps to get there.
I have to choose a goal that will truly inspires me in the process instead of focusing all of my energy on the end result. Any of the things we think we want in our lives aren’t usually as satisfying as we think they will be if we’re not paying attention to the process.
You’ve outlined clear steps to define success in our own terms and how to get there. If I follow these steps the only thing left to do is enjoy the ride!
Have a grateful day!
Chrysta
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Chrysta Bairre recently posted..52 Ways To Be Kind At Work
Taking time and assessing yourself if you can really do more, and better is a good thing. Thanks for sharing this!
At the end of the day, you’re the only one who can say if you have truly succeeded in your plans. It’s good gut feel. I personally love your post.
Hi Marty, What a strong piece of writing…I think it’s one of the most helpful article I’ve ever read concerning the art of creating a successful future and reaching our goals. You are such a wonderful person to turn to when it comes to the best advise in SO many areas!!
Thank you for sharing ALL of it with us
Nathalie
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Nathalie Villeneuve recently posted..The Women of Facebook 2 Year Anniversary Contest
Great tips here! I’m sure looking forward to reaping the fruits of my hard labor and equating that to ‘success’.
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Stacey recently posted..Using Organization Data, Pictures, and More on Layouts in Visio 2010
Excellent piece. I’ve been definitely thinking about this and I guess one important factor is giving yourself a deadline. I mean, everyone works best with deadlines right? So success should be given a deadline. This gives us motivation of some sort. Thanks for this!
Hi Marquita,
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this post was a timely reading to me. I was just in the process of making my New Year’s resolutions and after reading your post I have serious intentions to reconsider some of them. I totally agree with you that this life is too short and we should waste it wisely.
Julia Reed recently posted..How to Text in Class Without Being Caught by Anyone
Marquita,
I just downloaded your book. I look forward to sitting down and reading it. It’s funny that I am reading this article now. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching about my life and where I want to take it. There are times when I had made conscious decisions regarding the path I should take with my life, like choosing to join the Army after graduating highschool to learn skills that could be used in the real world. But after my contract was finished and I was free to chose my destiny again I have just been going with the flow.I felt lost. But that is all changing now and I’m excited to see where it takes me.
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Melanie Young recently posted..Handcrafted Awesomeness
Hi Marty, thank you for the book. I’ve downloaded it and started reading.
I too have never been one for resolutions, why do you need a special day to make a change? My only resolution is not to make resolutions and I’ve kept that one for 5 years now. Sometimes I think the whole hype around resolutions at new year is just to set us up to fail – it’s almost impossible to do.
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Sarah Arrow recently posted..Planning your podcast marketing strategy
Success is definitely subjective. I’m not going to base my success from someone else’s standards because that would not work. They may have done something different, have a totally different outlook on life, and perhaps different goals.
It does not hurt to notice another’s success and maybe take a piece of advice from it. However, it is all determined on what you do.
I always have goals and always changing them depending on what is important. Health was a big thing this year, and in return it brought my son closer because we can do things together that I could not before. I did take time from my career, but not so bad that it hurt. It actually put parameters around when family time, exercise time, and work time should be. Next year will be improving all of it for a better balance.
I love the quote you used at the beginning. Sometimes I think in my subconscious I am still that little girl who tried so hard to please the adults in her life. At some point one has to grow up and realize that trying to please others and measure up to their expectations is not what it’s all about. It’s about finding out where I fit in this world, and doing everything I can to fulfill the purpose for which I was placed on this planet. Thank you for the inspiring and challenging post!
Willena
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Willena Flewelling recently posted..The 12th of the 12th of the 12th
Marquita, interesting that you wrote this great article in this regard… and I thank you for doing such a great job to list the pro and con and your views and the so many suggestions… I like what you said: “clearly define what successful achievement of their goals will look like.” why I like that is because I start doing that for a while now… and do it almost daily.
For example, in teh last couple of months we have been involved in a huge project and solving or working on it, was part of my daily routine…finally come to a great ending and tomorrow will be the day we can say mission accomplished.
All thise days, weeks and months, we worked hard to be as clear as we could possibly can with everybody and everything.. knowing that by doing that, soon we could accomplish what needed to be accomplished and if we would not be as clear… and some how deviate from teh main fucus.. even for a moment (which it happen by mistake a few times) we would never succeed.
Happy to write that we did succeed and everthing is now for the greater good…
I love to thak you again for writing about this subject so I had teh opportunity to share a real life event that ended up successfu because we where abole to maintain a clear vision of what we intend to achieve.
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thanks again.
nickc
Nick Catricala recently posted..Choose Wise
Some great suggestions here as to what one needs to do to make the ‘new years resolutions’ actually be more than a wishful fantasy. I think that so often we would like it but don’t really fathom the workload involved. As you suggest, it is a process of learning and changing. I know that I need to be more committed in my “new years resolutions”!! Thanks for the great tips!
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Holly recently posted..You’re Losing It And I Bet You Didn’t Even Know It!
Hi Marty,
This post really was eye opening to me. I really appreciated the quote at the beginning of the post “If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, then it is not success at all. ” So many people in this world strive for success that is someone elses definition of success instead of achieving success on your own terms doing what is important to you and what resonates with your life. Thanks for bringing clarity and truth to this and for sharing a way to define success on your own terms.
Congrats on your book Marty, I will download it and read it.
Best,
Shelley
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Shelley Alexander recently posted..Cinnamon Almond Butter Cookies
Glad you enjoyed the article Shelley – and thanks for letting me know you downloaded my book. Actually, I “gifted” a copy to you quite awhile ago – after my guest post on your blog.
“If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, then it is not success at all. ” I think I might just have to put this up over my desk as a daily reminder of how and why to write – from the heart. Great advice.
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Kimba recently posted..Fuzzy Bunny Slippers
Thanks for stopping by Kimba, and I’m glad you liked the quote – it’s a favorite of mine as well
I love the quote at the beginning speaks volumes. I am inspired by the post and what I see as success. You have outlined a great process too, I am going to use it with my current project- the one I was procrastinating on!
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Suzie Cheel recently posted..Does Procrastination Block Your Abundance?
Well, you just made me laugh right out loud Suzie – so glad my article could inspire you
That’s great I am now redoing the cover for create space- will be done today LOL
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Suzie Cheel recently posted..Is There An Upside To Procrastination?
Hi Marty, as usual, you’re article is very useful and informative. I agree about those new year resolutions that are just mentioned, and you don’t really take any action on them. They don’t work because I don’t take them seriously:-)
Your suggestions are great Marty!
I remember when my grandchildren were born, I decided they were going to get to know me like I knew my grandmother, and I would spend time with them. So, I travelled 2,000 miles 5 times the first year to spend time with my newborn grandson. I did that 3 or 4 times a year for the next 5 years. Then, this year, I realised that my goals weren’t the same as my daughter’s and maybe the family didn’t want me there that often. Things don’t always turn out the way you expect them to.
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Julieanne vanZyl recently posted..For your MLM Business why use this simple business model?
Hey Julieanne, thanks for taking the time to share your story. Of course our goals will evolve with the various stages in our lives, and as kids grow older it’s natural that they become more independent and want to create their own lifestyle and traditions. Just the cycle of life my friend … doesn’t mean you’re any less valued by those who love you
Hi Marty,
wow, you have covered a lot of aspects around success and given some great questions to explore what it would mean to achieve it.
Looking at what is underneath the things we aim to be successful at is very helpful and can lead to inspired action.
For me it is important to combine success with quality of life, health and relationships and time to actually enjoy life.
Thank you so much for your insightful and helpful post.
Love and Light
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Yorinda
Yorinda recently posted..Uses of Sole the Himalayan Salt Solution
Welcome back Yorinda and thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I especially applaud your insight on balancing all of the important areas in your life.
Hi Marty,
So true it takes time and effort to have the life we design , you give great advice for making that a reality for readers of your blog . It is fantastic that you have written the book which I am sure many people will really value reading . May I wish you a very happy Christmas and New Year . Take care Rosemary
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Rosemary recently posted..Start Up Business and Social Media In Ireland
Hey Rosemary, thanks so much for stopping by and contributing to the conversation. And, thanks for your holiday wishes … right back at ya my friend
Hey Marquita,
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To start with, the quotation at the beginning of the post, speaks volumes about the theme of the post. Success is always not really a success, as perceived by the world. I would like to share here an instance from my own life. I got interviewed for a great job profile in one of the esteemed companies. Everybody, my family and friends were overjoyed with this news. Although I had a smile on my tiny face, but deep inside, this job was not what I desired. From that very point, I decided to achieve what I really perceive as success. This post reminded me of that decision which I took at that point of time. You have provided with great pointers. Thanks for writing such motivational stuffs.
Aayna recently posted..Architecture and nature co-existing happily together – is it possible?
Welcome back Aayna, and thank you so much for sharing your inspiring story. What a terrific example of the power of living your life by design!
What a great way to look at that word “success” because it has so many different meanings. I think that if we define our dream lifestyle first, and that’s not saying a mansion and that millionaire mindset, but rather a more realistic goal that will keep you focused.
I like the way you pointed out how much time we want to spend with our family. Some folks get so consumed in making money, that they forget why they are working independently in the first place.
Being an entrepreneur and achieving financial freedom is the most common goal – but why? That’s the question. What if you have already reached that goal, how are you spending your time?
Making more money or using that freedom to spend time with your loved ones and living a lifestyle where you have the freedom to be there for the one’s you love.
To me success is one goal at a time. Keeping it real and building upon it. Also being an entrepreneur for most of my life, I am grateful that I had the freedom to be with my daughter all the time, never missing a sport game or a dance recital. Having the freedom to be home when my father in law was dying and being able to take care of him as I worked. To me, this is success.
Donna
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Donna Merrill recently posted..Self-Confidence
Hi Marquita,
It’s been awhile since I’ve visited your blog. Wanted to stop by and show some support from Donna’s new group.
I just finished reading a post before coming to yours about new years resolutions. I haven’t done those in years because I firmly believe that if you want to change your life then there is no better time then right now.
I know that there are so many people who have such good intentions but the way I view that is obviously you didn’t want it bad enough if you weren’t able to stay on the right track.
Writing goals really do work if you have a strong desire to achieve something in particular. Sure, you may have to give some things up depending on what it is you want to accomplish but step back and make sure it’s really that important to you and your family is on board as well.
I accomplished the majority of my goals this year but they did change as the year progressed which of course I know will happen.
Thank you for this wonderful post and I did download your Kindle book. I have one I’m in the process of finishing right now and am eager to jump in to read yours. Thank you so much for this opportunity to grab it for free.
Enjoy your week.
~Adrienne
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Adrienne recently posted..HELP: TweetDeck Has Failed Me
Welcome back Adrienne, and thank you for taking the time to contribute to the conversation. And, congratulations on a successful year – your way
Success certainly is subjective, Marty.
When I hear people say that somebody is “successful”, I always ask “successful at what?”
Getting a job may be “successful” for one person, while avoiding work and living on a friend’s couch in exchange for walking their dog may be another person’s idea of being “successful”.
The point is, both people are right. The first guy wanted a job, so he succeeded in getting one. The second guy wanted to avoid the workplace, so he succeeded in that.
So it is important, as you point out, to clearly define what you want to succeed in, and then outline the action steps that will get you there. Finally, of course, implement those action steps on a daily and consistent basis. That’s the most direct route toward achieving your success.
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David Merrill 101 recently posted..Selling Affiliate Products
Hey David, glad you found the article useful – and of course you’ve hit the proverbial nail on the head in your last paragraph – because the greatest plans in the world will get you nowhere without taking action. Thanks for sharing your insight – always appreciated
Lately, I have liked Steve Jobs remarks in 1997 where he answered a question saying something like: “When you think about focusing you think, ‘focusing is saying yes.’ No! Focusing is about saying no.” Although, as much as I still like it, your post suggests thinking about outcomes. And I imagine that one can be so focused and say “no” to so many things that it’s possible to block out more than just urgent intrusions but important people – like family.
That came to me while reading the paragraph following “the types of questions that need to be asked in order to begin defining what success for this goal might look like.”
Although, honestly, I don’t know many people that are focused in the sense of Jobs definition; instead, I know a lot of people that tend to want everything so they end up with very little. Except a little of everything.
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Richard recently posted..Collaborative Marketing and Customer Acquisition Depends on Trust
Welcome back Richard, and thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts – always appreciated!
Good quote. Yeah true I am not a fan of New Years resolutions. Might try them for a week and then just quit. Not really my New Years resolution but in 2013 (provided the world doesn’t end) I am going to focus more on social media and just fine tuning everything I do online to maximize my ROI.
For me I don’t think having a lot of money makes you successful. I have met some dirtbags that had a lot of money. The money doesn’t motivate me. It did in the beginning but shortly after I achieved that I get motivated by having a challenge and beating it. So for instance, going into a niche that is insanely hard and dominating it is worth so much more than the money I will get from it.
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Garen recently posted..Using Facebook as a Fan Page
Hey Garen, I agree with you on the money thing. For me it’s a means to an end – it means freedom; otherwise it’s just paper. I’ve never been a power-tripper, I just want to be able to live life my own way. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts
You make some excellent points, Marty – too often New Year’s Resolutions end up being just wishful thinking. I hope your post will inspire some readers, at least, to recognize what is needed to achieve goals. You remind us to take a fresh look at what we’re doing and why – thanks!
Alan
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Alan Jenkin recently posted..Duplicate Content and SEO
Welcome back Alan, and thanks for contributing to the conversation. I’m glad you enjoyed the article. For better or worse, the thing about New Year’s Resolution is the fail rate is so high, and so well-known, that I think they’ve almost become a standing joke. As you’ve pointed out, this time of year does present us with a wonderful opportunity to take a fresh look at the path we’re on. Thanks again Alan