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How to Regain Your Self-Confidence

2011 April 20

Gaining self-confidence is one thing, getting your confidence back after a personal or professional disaster (either real or perceived) is a substantially different situation.

How to regain your self-confidenceThere are many instances in life where your confidence is hit hard . . . divorce, being fired from a job or just making a really public mistake, just to name a few. Sometimes you overcome life’s hardness, sometimes you get overwhelmed. Sometimes your courage and confidence sees you through, but sometimes your self-confidence really takes a beating.

Here are four ways to help you begin regaining your self-confidence.

Forgive Yourself

Whatever experience or situation that caused you to lose your confidence needn’t have been your fault for you to be carrying around a load of embarrassment or guilt. It’s human nature to feel that somehow you should have known, or been able to prevent the situation.

  • Best case scenario, there was no way you could have predicted what happened, if you could accurately predict life, you’d be rich and famous and probably wouldn’t care if you missed one or two calls. Get over yourself and move on.
  • Worst case scenario, no doubt about it you were at fault.  Learn from the experience, become a better person for it, forgive yourself and move on.

Whichever the case, chance are good whatever happened is not as important as the impact it has had on you, rather the impact that you let the problem create for you. In life pain is inevitable but suffering is optional, and self-pity is very addictive and capable of destroying lives. It’s purely your choice, and whether you choose to bounce back or suffer is entirely your prerogative. Remember that “nobody can hurt you without your consent.”

Keep a Personal Journal

Journal every day and be sure to list your positive accomplishments for the day. Writing down your accomplishments – no matter how small – will reinforce into your subconscious that you are capable of handling the tasks you are pursuing.

If something did not go as planned, instead of being hard on yourself, write down what you learned from the experience. This will reinforce into your subconscious that failure is not negative and much can be learned from it to guide you to success.

Review Your Accomplishments

Reviewing and visualizing your accomplishments will increase your self-confidence. Make your visualization as vivid as possible; remember as many details as you can, as if that past experience were happening right now. As you do so, you’ll notice that feeling of self-assurance coming back strong and you’ll become familiar with it again.

Fake It Till You Make It

Feelings influence behavior. Put on a big smile, lift your head and believe you are a self-assured, confident person. Remember, other people don’t know about your internal securities unless you tell them, so go ahead and pretend, and before you know it you’ll begin to feel better, and before long much more confident. 

Cultivate the courage to embrace whatever is unfolding in your life and whatever cranky, hating feelings you may feel about it. Hold your precious self with tender compassion as you do. ~Unknown Author

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22 Responses
  1. June 6, 2013

    The key to regaining your confidence “once lost” is to first never accept that it has been lost in the the 1st place. If you accept or tell yourself you have lost your confidence then you surely will lose it.

    I think when you have reached the point to where you believe your self-confidence is in question you have to start to ask yourself better questions.

    We are the questions that we ask of ourselves, ask a better question and you will get a better answer.

    Good Article! Written with confidence : )
    Howard Platt recently posted..Positive Thinking For 2013 Keeping The Promises You Make To YourselfMy Profile

  2. December 5, 2011

    That last point you made surely rings true. I also advice this where building confidence is concerned. The thing about faking it, is that when fool people into thinking you’re confident, they treat you accordingly (with respect). This is great for how you feel about yourself.

    I’ve got a new wordpress confidence blog and have just added your site to my blogroll. I hope to return to read some of your articles and to perhaps share some of mine too.
    Anne recently posted..Step Up With ConfidenceMy Profile

  3. angie permalink
    July 14, 2011

    Hi thank you for this article it is inspiring and helps daily, i have had a very successful life up until my seperation, 5 years ago, looking to escape my pain i fell into drugs, for 10 months strong and trying to overcome for 3 more years, finally one year sober the guilt and loss of all i had accumulated in my life is overwhelming, and has me binded back in my old life with my controlling ex and no confidence to get back up. Looking forward to an exciting and happier future for myself. Thank you :)

  4. Tonya permalink
    June 28, 2011

    This article makes a lot of sense and I am going to apply to my new routine! I have seriously been overwhelmed lately with work, single mom, new boyfriend and going back to school after 20 years. At first, taking online classes sounded easy and convienient, but oh was I so wrong. The last 5 months I have felt my confidence sink into the ground. All my life I have had fellow co-workers and friends compliment me on my confidence. Had a friend tell me a few months ago that I just don’t hold my head as high as I used to! I need to forgive myself, review what achomplishments I have made, keep a journal, and when I am feeling overwhelmed – put on a huge smile on my face and hold my head high! I can do this!
    Thanks! I am glad I decided to google ‘how to boost confidence’!

  5. May 25, 2011

    Regaining your self-co9nfidence is a very difficult thing to do especially if no one encourages you to do so. When you are in deep blue and no one tap your back while saying “It’s okay. You have your second chance.”, you feel that no one cares about your feelings. But whatever condemnation they will do, you must learn how to stand up after you stumbled and to fight back.

  6. April 24, 2011

    Hi Marty,

    We found your post very interesting. The points of forgiving yourself in best and worst scenarios, keeping a journal and fake it til you make it are very good.

    About the last point, we’ve heard somebody suggest that we imagine ourselves being millionaire and have everything we ever wanted to have, and then asked: wouldn’t you speak and behave more confidently? Then that’s what you need to think about every day. Imagine yourself in that situation and others will see the difference in your posture… and your subconscious as well!

    Thanks for sharing!
    Tim & Sole recently posted..Is Your Business Code A SecretMy Profile

  7. April 22, 2011

    I like you how you mention that people need to focus on their achievements instead of the mistakes they made. We all make mistakes. Who cares? The only thing that matters is how you can do better.

  8. April 21, 2011

    Hi Marty,

    Your little twitter bird keeps following me!

    I think forgiving yourself is a major solution to regaining your self-confidence after a tough life struggle. All of us at some time in our lives will have to deal with life’s struggles and what is important is how we handle it. I’m always impressed with people who can get through a bad situation with a positive attitude. That positivity comes from being secure with yourself and realizing, as you stated, “get over yourself and move on.” We can pick whatever side we want….basically either negative or positive. It is OUR choice. We have the power to shape our destiny for the day, the month, through the years, and our lives!

    Keeping a journal really helps me and listing accomplishments can change everything. Another way I handle the tough times is working with my scrapbooks. It is great therapy and is a way to journal using photographs of good times, friends, and family. Reflecting back on nice memories helps me a lot! Any of your suggestions will start to move the hurt in a positive direction and with time, our hearts heal.

    Finally, I have to note your quote, “nobody can hurt you without your consent.” That is very POWERFUL. Thanks Marty,

    Raena Lynn
    Raena Lynn recently posted..How To Install LoveMy Profile

  9. Hazel-Ann La Fortune permalink
    April 21, 2011

    “In life pain is inevitable but suffering is optional…” You really touched me here Marty. I’m taking away so much from this post that I can’t thank you enough. I like your advice to get over it and move on. So many people do not get that it’s not so much what happened but how you choose to deal with it that really counts. Thanks so much for this. I’m sharing it with all my friends!
    Hazel-Ann La Fortune recently posted..One Speaker’s Risk Management Gone Wrong OR I Ain’t Down With OPP!My Profile

  10. April 20, 2011

    Hi Marty,

    Thank you for sharing this excellent article. Yeah, at times we are down and i agree that your tips are necessary to regain confidence. The best method that always works well for me is to look back my past achievements and take that as a motivation to keep me going.

    Frankly, this method helps to bring up a person’s self esteem.

    Excellent sharing, Marty :-) Appreciate it !

    Pearly Quan recently posted..Ways to Build a Good RelationshipMy Profile

  11. April 20, 2011

    I needed to read this today.Several things happened that made me feel angry and frustrated.I allowed those feelings to control me.YUCK! I then thought about the accomplishments like you suggested and started feeling better. I agree that journaling is good.I haven’t done that lately but I am going to start again.Thanks for the reminder.
    Beverly Monical recently posted..Are You Spamming on Social Media SitesMy Profile

    • April 20, 2011

      I’m really sorry to hear you’ve had one of t-h-o-s-e days, but glad to know my article may have helped, if only a little. Hope the rest of the week more than makes up for today!

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