Use This Self-Development Strategy to Thrive Through Adversity
Send to KindleOne day someone handed me a glass of water that was half full and said here’s the problem “Do you see this glass as half full or half empty?” So I drank the water and returned the glass. ”What problem?” ~Author Unknown
You’ve heard them all before … “an optimist says the glass is half full … the pessimist says it’s half empty” … “every cloud has a silver lining;” “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade;” “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel;” “things could always be worse…” and on it goes. Each of these well known sayings serves as a mantra of sorts for promoting hopefulness and an optimistic outlook on life.
Certainly maintaining a positive outlook is a key self-development strategy for sustaining motivation to achieve our goals as well as our ability to overcome adversity. But to become truly resilient means understanding there is a very vital difference between believing you will succeed, and believing you will succeed easily.
Most people don’t understand there is a difference between realistic and unrealistic optimism.
So, am I saying optimism isn’t necessarily a good thing? Not at all! Albert Bandura, one of the founding fathers of scientific psychology and widely described as the most influential psychologists of all time, discovered decades ago that perhaps the best predictor of an individual’s success is whether or not they believe they will succeed. Thousands and thousands of experiments later, he has yet to be proven wrong.
People with high assurance in their capabilities approach difficult tasks as challenges to be mastered rather than as threats to be avoided. ~Albert Bandura
An optimistic outlook means we see the positive side of events or conditions and expect a favorable outcome.
Here’s the caveat …
- A realistic optimist believes that mindset matters, but they will succeed through effort, careful planning, persistence and choosing the right strategies. They recognize the need for giving serious thought to how they will deal with obstacles.
- An unrealistic optimist on the other hand believes that mindset is all that matters. That “everything will all work out somehow” and that the universe will reward them for only thinking positive thoughts, or that somehow they will be transformed overnight into the kind of person for whom obstacles cease to exist.
Social psychologists often point to smokers who underestimate their chances of getting cancer or gamblers who believe they will beat the odds as classic examples of unrealistic optimism.
Let’s look a little closer at how unrealistic optimism can prevent us from achieving our aims … for example deciding to quit smoking without giving any thought how to handle being in a room when others are smoking, or how to respond when offered a cigarette; not so much the first time as the 3rd or 4th time when cravings are raging at full tilt. Then there are the clothes we all tend to hang on to because we are optimistic that some day we’ll shrink back down into those skinny jeans, without ever actually taking steps to make it happen …. we all do it to some degree.
People who are confident that they will succeed, and equally confident that there will naturally be obstacles and occasional detours in life, put in more effort, plan how to deal with problems before they arise, and persist longer in the face of difficulty … in other words, they develop greater resilience.
You can cultivate realistic optimism by combining a positive attitude with an honest assessment of the challenges that await you. Rather than limiting your visualization to ultimate success … visualize the steps you will take in order to make success happen.
If you enjoyed this article and would like to learn more about realistic optimism and how it is a determining factor in developing greater resilience in life then I’d like to share with you that I’m about to launch a new book about this subject. Actually, it was originally scheduled to launch last week but no matter how much effort we put into planning our own schedules, there’s not much you can do when a gaggle of relatives show up on your doorstep unannounced. The family left this weekend (and it really was great to see them!) so I’m busy getting back on track.
Expanding on the information provided in the 12 Step Guide to Building Resilience offered free to new IGG Subscribers is my new book … Stepping Stones to Greater Resilience: Self Development Strategies to Thrive Through Adversity featuring inspirational stories, fascinating case studies and step by step guides for each element of building greater resilience in life.
Tip: Being more resilient is not just about overcoming obstacles, but how to avoid many of them in the first place!
I hope you will consider joining our Subscriber Community! It only takes a couple of minutes to sign up, and then each new article will be conveniently delivered to your email inbox … and of course you’ll also receive your Free Welcome Gift the 12-Steps Guide to Building Resilience.
To conveniently subscribe – press here.
Mahalo!
Send to Kindle
I certainly love this post! This simply tells us the difference between optimism and stupidity (unrealistic optimism). Optimism should always be coupled with hard work and effort.
Hi Marty! Thanks for the post which I enjoyed reading. I agree that we all should think positively but be realistic about it and act on what we want to accomplish. Some people do not live in the reality and believe that everything will just turn out well without realizing that they
must put a conscious effort to it as well.
As always, an interesting post. I recall reading a study about middle-aged, obese women in a weight loss program who were asked whether they expected it to be easy or challenging to
(dofollow)
achieve their weight loss target. The women who believed they would succeed easily lost 24 pounds LESS than those who thought their weight-loss journey would be difficult. Similar studies have concluded that focusing on and acknowledging challenges and obstacles and then actively preparing for them, significantly increases our chance of success.
Rachel Lavern recently posted..Are You a Ready Student?
Hi Marty
I really like this idea! I had never thought about optimism quite this way. People have always told me that I am a very positive and optimistic person. I have a little bit of both in me as far as the realistic and unrealistic sides, and look forward to paying more attention to the realistic now that I understand it better!
Great stuff!
(dofollow)
Laura
Laura Morris recently posted..Top 10 Ways Ways to Ensure a Growing MLM Business
Thanks for taking the time to share Laura – so glad you enjoyed the article
Hi Marty! A very thought provoking post, to say the least, pointing out the opposite ends of the optimism spectrum — neither of which is totally the right solution.
On one end of the spectrum are those who simply visualize their goal or the ultimate outcome and then just simply sit around thinking, as you say, that the Universe will drop everything into their lap all at once and they’ll be magically transformed in an instant. There’s the old story of the man who’s house was being threatened by a flood, and three times help came along in the form of a concerned neighbor, a rescue team in a boat, and finally a helicopter. He was so focused on the idea that God would save him that he ignored the opportunities to BE saved and then complained to God when he ended up drowning on his rooftop.
At the opposite end are those who visualize where they want to be, then they sit down and analyze every step they feel is going to be necessary to get there. Not necessarily a bad idea, but that kind of over planning can also lead to a lot of missteps and wrong paths being taken.
I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle. I’m reminded of the story that Napoleon Hill shared at the beginning of his classic “Think and Grow Rich” about the man who had decided he was going to become Thomas Edison’s partner in business. He had absolutely no idea how he would accomplish the task. He only knew his end goal. While he did take the initial step of making the cross country trip to Edison’s headquarters with nothing but a head full of desire, the remaining steps were totally unknown to him. What he DID do, however, is leave himself open to possibilities, and as opportunities presented themselves, he was keenly aware enough to see them and take advantage of them.
It’s called “inspired action”. We have a vision of where we want to be, add the emotional confidence to it that what we envision will come about, then we relax and focus on the present moment, making sure not to miss the wonderful smell of roses along the way, while at the same time keeping ourselves wide open and fully aware of the opportunities that the Universe presents us at exactly the right time and making sure that we take inspired action necessary to follow through with them. Most often, we end up arriving at the doorstep of our original vision in surprising ways; and very often it’s actually through the back door! We find that life is full of incredibly wonderful surprises that we would have missed if we had only gone by our step-by-step plan.
(dofollow)
Steve Vernon recently posted..Greener Pastures
Hum, using the comment section to post your own articles here Steve? Seriously, I don’t think you’re actually expecting a response from me so I’ll just take the opportunity to thank you for contributing to the conversation.
<<>> Marty! I guess I did get a little wordy, didn’t I! Sorry ’bout that. As you can see, your article definitely was thought provoking!
(dofollow)
Steve Vernon recently posted..Greener Pastures
No problem at all Steve – just giving you a hard time my friend
Hi Marty,
I really like that you bring out the “head in the clouds” optimist behavior that too many people display. You have to put action into play to acheive things in life, they just don’t fall out of the sky.
Welcome back Joyce – so glad you enjoyed the article and really appreciate that you’ve taken time to contribut to the conversation
Marty, I loved this post. “Most people don’t understand there is a difference between realistic and unrealistic optimism”. Yes, you are exactly right and the examples of the gambler and the smoker are spot on. There is a difference between hope and false hope, between realistic optimism and staying positive just for the sake of it. Thank you for sharing
Sarah Arrow recently posted..It’s easy… you’ll sell tonnes. You can sell anything on the internet
Hi Sarah, great point and I’m so glad you mention ‘hope.’ As much as I believe in being ‘realistic’ we never want to lose our ability to hope … hoping for the best possible outcome is like the glue that holds all of our actions and dreams together.
Marty, you’ve struck the right balance, I think, with your realistic and unrealistic optimism. A good, positive mindset will not get me to the moon, but it might get me across the country to visit my mom within the next year. That is a goal is a little easier to find a way to reach.
Thanks for a very helpful post!
Willena Flewelling
(dofollow)
Willena Flewelling recently posted..Eagle’s Perspective
Thanks for sharing Willena! You know one of the sayings that we used a lot when I was in direct sales is “Reach for the moon, even if you fall short you’ll be among the stars!” A bit hokie in a way, but oh so true!
Hello Marty!
Inspired post as always …
I think often people experience a challenge simply because they do not have the appropriate skill set to deal with a situation as it presents itself. Different people of course respond differently in such situations and the important thing to remember when things seem tough is skills be definition are something which can be learned. As we go though life we constantly learn new skill sets which in turn can become a coping mechanism for a later challenge
(dofollow)
Sadie-Michaela Harris recently posted..Social Search is Visible Marketing on Steroids!
Hi Sadie-Michaela, thanks so much for contributing to the conversation! You’re so right about the key to overcoming obstacles begins within each of us. Regardless of our level of skills or knowledge, the first step toward improving any situation is to make the decision you want more … then to reach out and begin learning. We have so many advantages these days, and one of them is that there is a wealth of information at our fingertips online. Yes, it takes time to sort it out – but it’s not hard to find enough information to help you know where to begin. Great comment
Hi Marty,
As usual you have done a great service to those with their heads in the clouds. 6 books by August means you are a practical gal and do the action. You obviously lead by example.
Over my life, I have found that our beliefs drive our actions whether we like it or not! My recipe for changing from pessimism to optimism is to do it in small bites. Set a very small goal you know you can achieve, do it and then reward yourself. Bit by bit increase the goal and keep rewarding yourself for every achievement.
I raised my MLM income from nearly zero to over $10,000 a month this way. Basically if we can’t feel and touch where we want to go, most will not be motivated to take action, especially if it involves doing something you might not want to.
I gave up on goal setting some time ago. If you use this method, non achievement can be a way to justify failure and beat yourself up. In my crazy world, I put an idea out there, and everything I need to achieve it presents itself. My job is to keep following leads until one works out. Then I put my head down and get to work.
Just a couple of ideas to add. Congrats on your book by the way.
(dofollow)
John Gaydon recently posted..Taking Your On line Business Into The Off Line World
Hey John, as always really appreciate your valuable insight because I know it comes from a wealth of experience! I think the steps you outlined on changing from a pessimistic to optimistic mindset are right on … effective change always begins within each of us. The desire to change and a person’s level of psychological flexibility are keys to succeeding with change of any kind. Thanks for contributing to the conversation!
Hi Marty
I love your post, Yes People are bluffing them self if the Think that the LOA will work by just thinking NO you need to do the right stuff also plan and do and work and not just think one time but all the time.
If you only think one’s, it is almost like looking to your self in a mirror and walk away and forget how you did look.
Regards
(dofollow)
Theuns
Theuns recently posted..How to Manage Your Time – Father Time and You
Thanks for taking the time to share your insights Theuns, always appreciated!
Hey Marty,
Excellent article! I loved how you defined both a “Realistic Optimist” and an “Unrealistic Optimist.”
I am a huge advocate of mindset training as you may know. Mindset training when done correctly does not just include thinking about your desired outcome and believing that it is already attained. When done correctly the training should also include the art of goal setting, proper planing strategies, and of course commitment to task.
Your article raises in interesting question Marty.
Do you believe that it would be easier to convert an “Unrealistic Optimist” to a “realistic” one or to convert a pessimist into an optimist?
Thanks for sharing Marty,
Kevin
(dofollow)
Kevin DeRoo recently posted..Mind and Emotions Training – “Within Your Own Mind Lies Your Greatest Triumph Or Absolute Defeat.”
Welcome back Kevin – glad you enjoyed the article. Thanks for your question about whether it would be harder to convert a unrealistic optimist to a realistic optimist or a pessimist into an optimist … I did dig into this question and included some findings in my book – though I didn’t go too far into it because I didn’t want to get off track. Really the bottom line is it depends on the individual and whether they want to be ‘converted’ and reserch indicates that not all forms of pessimism is bad. Consider for example defensive pessimism – this is actually a coping strategy used in specific situations to manage anxiety, fear, and worry. Psychologists have found that the more you urge a defensive pessimist to just “be happy” the more they rebel and become less functioning. Ultimately, regardless of the type of change involved, we must first want that change for ourselves and be willing to do the work to make it happen.
Marquita, as a counselor who is sold on cognitive behavior therapy, I truly appreciate your article! I especially loved your explanation of approaching difficult tasks as challenges to be mastered, as well as visualizing the action steps we will take to problem solve our challenge. You have a gift of writing so eloquently, and helping us understand these concepts.
(dofollow)
Steve Borgman recently posted..Grow Your Personal Success With These Inspirational Motivational Books
I think you hit a very central point here Marquita. It is very important to know if your optimism is realistic. I remember going through a fase where I had unrealistic expectations towards the change I was going through.
Luckily it didn’t stop me from pushing through the rough patches. But I think this happens a lot. People don’t see the results up front and thrown in the towel WAY to early.
Thank for sharing and good luck on you realease!
Brian
Brian Lagoni recently posted..The Power of Presuppositions
The optimistic view believes the outcome desired. There is no failing. There only exist success because you can see it, feel it, therefore attaining the outcome.
(dofollow)
Jacob recently posted..Internal Linking Strategy For A Search Engine Optimized Blog
Hi Marquita loved to read the above. I also agree that a positive attitude is necessary to be successful but you need to be wise enough to make decision. Once you have decided then you should be optimistic to wait having your plans executed.
Hi Marty,
I really appreciated this article! Explaining how a realistic optimist choses to be successful by their efforts, careful planning, persistence and choosing the right strategies versus an unrealistic optimist who believes that all that matters is thinking you are successful was a really powerful comparision. I believe in being a realistic optimist and it has really helped me to achieve alot of the goals I have set for my life.
Thanks for your insightful post and congrats on your new book! I look forward to getting my copy.
(dofollow)
Shelley Alexander recently posted..My Favorite Food and Health Quotes
Wow Marquita,
What a fascinating post. I’m always so glad that I land on your blog because you share great content! This subject is timely for me. I am about to embark on something I know in my heart will lead to great success, but I also know there are steps, goals, tasks, and struggles I must go through to get there.
I was pleased to read the difference between a realistic and unrealistic optimist. This validated that I am a realistic optimist! Thank goodness! This is the quote that validated my approach, “You can cultivate realistic optimism by combining a positive attitude with an honest assessment of the challenges that await you. Rather than limiting your visualization to ultimate success … visualize the steps you will take in order to make success happen.” Thanks for an awesome post! Great words to live by.
Raena Lynn
(dofollow)
Raena Lynn recently posted..David Gilks “The Solo Ad King”
Your new venture sounds exciting Raena and I hope we’ll have the opportunity to learn more as it evolves. I’m on an adventurous journey myself … my goal is to push myself to complete/publish six books by the end of August. One’s about ready to go and two more are pretty well drafted – so I’m making progress. The idea is to get a good foundation of material out there and published – then I’m taking a month off (my first vacation in 5 years!) and heading to the mainland. When I return I’ll be focusing on marketing, building my platform and writing – but at a much more ‘realistic’ pace. It’s so exiting to see how much we can accomplish, huh?
You make such an important distinction between optimism and realistic optimism, Marty.
Truly, what gives us the confidence to be realistically optimistic is resilience. Learning to engage and overcome rather than naively avoiding obstacles to our success.
I look forward to reading your new book, Marty! It promises to be a real eye-opener in turning the corner to real achievement instead of wishful thinking.
(dofollow)
David Merrill recently posted..Your Gravatar and Personal Brand
Hi David, so glad you enjoyed the article! There’s a lot of inspiration (not to mention sleepless nights) behind the new book so I’m looking forward to finally birthing it out there into the world
Hey Marquita,
What a wonderful though provoking post. I believe there is a transition between unrealistic optimism to realistic optimism and that is OK to be unrealistic and optimistic so long as you understand in the long run that success is about hard work and dedication then it is mindset.
But maybe I am thinking too much lol!
Often when we are learning how to be an eternal optimist we are by our very nature unrealistic but is all part of the journey to getting it right and I guess we all have to start somewhere.
To Your Continued Success,
Beth
(dofollow)
Beth Hewitt recently posted..How to Build Your Downline with Motivation.
Hey Beth welcome back! You’re so funny – I don’t believe you’re thinking too much at all
I have to say that doing the research for my new book, particularly this section, has really stretched my brain. One study in particular reported some very scary findings about the downside of unrealistic optimism, in particular when it comes to making decisions about health issues. The funny thing is, even after digesting all this research, I find I still believe in miracles and the power of throwing our most heartfelt dreams out there into the Universe 
Congrats on your book Marty! I love to read about optimism and reality. The reality is to be honest with yourself, as you point out, but getting to that point for some is difficult. Being real or being unrealistic we must know our innerself to believe what we are doing. Fascinating subject and appreciate your wonderful insight.
(dofollow)
Lynn Brown recently posted..Jumping into Action with Writing Your First Blog Post
Hi Lynn, so glad you enjoyed the article. You are so right about the challenges of being completely honest with ourselves – it is tough sometimes, but if we’re able to step back and take in the big picture of life it might be pretty surprising how many times we could have saved ourselves disappointment or heartache by being more realistic about our situation … that’s not to say lowering our expectations, it’s expecting that the best is very possible IF we’re willing to do the work.
That was truly a wonderful article about self development strategies Marquita. I particularly enjoyed how you differentiate between optimism and reality and the steps one must take in order to move forward, whatever our one endeavors are.
(dofollow)
Stevie recently posted..Catch Him and Keep Him – Unraveling the Code Men Use!
Welcome back Stevie, so glad you enjoyed the article and appreciate your taking time to share your thoughts
Hi Marquita,
I like the phrase of Albert Bandura: “People with high assurance in their capabilities approach difficult tasks as challenges to be mastered rather than as threats to be avoided.” You explained very well the difference between realistic and unrealistic optimism. Thanks!
(dofollow)
Edyta recently posted..Panic Away Review – An Honest Opinion of the Most Revolutionary Anti-anxiety Program Around
Welcome back Edyta, so glad you enjoyed the article and thanks for sharing your thoughts!